Adult Jokes 2

4. A woman asks her husband if he’d like some breakfast. “Bacon and
eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? Maybe a nice sectioned grapefruit, and a
cup of fresh coffee?” He declines. “It’s this Viagra,” he says, “It’s really
taken the edge off my appetite.” At lunch time, she asks if he would like
something. “A bowl of home made soup, maybe, with a cheese sandwich?
Or how about a plate of snacks and a glass of milk?” Again he declines.
“No, thanks. It’s this Viagra,” he says, “It’s really taken the edge off my
appetite.” At dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat, offering to
go to the cafe and buy him a burger supper. “Or would you rather I make
you a pizza from scratch? Or, how about a tasty stir fry? That’ll only take
a couple of minutes.” Once more, he declines. “Again, thanks, but it’s this
Viagra. It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.” “Well, then”, she says,
“Would you mind getting off me? I’m STARVING!”

5. Worried about their less than exciting sex life, a young wife sent her
husband to a therapist who wound up treating him with self-hypnosis. And,
to her joy, everything got much better. However, she could not help but
notice that each night, early into their lovemaking, the husband would dash
out to the bathroom for several minutes. This tormented her until finally,
one night, she followed him. There, in front of the mirror, she found him
applying this therapeutic technique: “She’s not my wife… She’s not
my wife…She’s not my wife…”

6. A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor
were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall
coconut tree and yelled, “Stop making love down there!” “What’s the
matter with you?” the husband said when the sailor climbed down. ‘”We
weren’t making love.”

“Sorry,” said the sailor, “From up there it looked like you were.” Every
morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same
thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself.
With great difficulty, he made his way to the top. The husband says to
himself, “By golly he’s right! It DOES look like they’re making love down
there!”

7. A man and a woman had been dating for about a year, and their
relationship was getting serious. The man proposed marriage, and she
accepted. However, she told him that she wanted him to know that her
chest was just like a baby’s. He said that he loved her and that her
measurements didn’t matter to him. He told her that his penis was also like
a baby’s. She said that she loved him and that size didn’t matter. Come
the day of their wedding, all went well. That night, the happy couple
checked into the honeymoon suite at a resort hotel. The blushing bride
was in the bathroom putting on a sexy nightie. Her husband was in bed
waiting. As she entered the bedroom, she reminded him of her confession
about her chest being like a baby. “Don’t worry, honey,” he said. She took
her nightgown off, and her breasts were the smallest he had ever seen.
He said that he was going to get undressed and reminded her of his
confession about his penis being like a baby. As he took his pants off, the
new bride said, “Good God Almighty. I thought you said your penis was
like a baby.” “It is,” he said. “9 pounds and 21 inches long!”

8. A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young husbands
constant demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut
down on the amount of times that they will have to make love for the rest
of their marriage. While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of
paper, “Honey, you know I love you, but your never ending requests for
sex are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only
have sex on days that start with the letter ‘T’, to minimise the frequency of
our lovemaking sessions. Don’t be mad at me honey, just understand
where I am coming from, and let me know if my request is too demanding
of you.”
On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the
note to the fridge door, hoping that her sex craved husband will be
understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it. Upon
returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices that her note

has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads, “Baby, I
didn’t’ realise that I was putting you under so much pressure and I’m
sorry. I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing
at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter ‘T’ to make
sure that we are on the same page.
1. TUESDAY
2. THURSDAY
3. TODAY
4. TOMORROW
P.S. I love you too, and remember it’s still TODAY, I am waiting for you
upstairs.”

9. A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween party by a family friend, in
which all attendees were required to wear a mask. The wife got a terrible
headache and told her husband to go to the party alone, and to make sure
to say hello to her family. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she
argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and
there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he
took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for
about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to
the party. As her husband didn’t know what her costume was, she thought
she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted
when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her
husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with
every nice “chick” he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss
there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself,
he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let
him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After
more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she
agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate
intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she
slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed,
wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous
behaviour. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked
what kind of time he had. “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have
a good time when you’re not there.” Then she asked, “Did you dance
much?” He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I
got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into

the spare room and played poker all evening.” “You must have looked
really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!” she said with
unashamed sarcasm. “Actually, I gave my costume to your brother,
apparently he had the time of his life.”