Adult Jokes

ADULT JOKES:

1. A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told
him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his
wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours
later, the husband goes to his wife and says, “Honey, you know I now
have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?” Of
course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into
bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left.
He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, “Honey, please… just one more
time before I die.”. She says, “Of course, Dear.”. They make love for the
third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep The man,
however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he is
down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. “Honey, I have only 4
more hours. Do you think we could…” At this point the wife sits up and
says, “Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don’t!”

2. Mick’s wife was furiously humping away with her husband’s best mate,
Peter, when suddenly the phone rang. She hopped out of bed and
returned to the sweaty sheet after a brief conversation. “Who was it?” the
back stabbing buddy asked. “Oh, that was Mick,” she replied calmly. “Oh
crap, I’d better be going then!” he said. “Did Mick say where he
was?” “Relax — he’s down at the pub playing a few games of pool with
you.”

3. A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day
she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her
husband’s car pull into the driveway. “Oh My God – Hurry! Grab your
clothes,” she yelled to her lover. “And jump out the window. My husband’s
home early!” “I can’t jump out the window!” came the strangled reply from
beneath the sheets. “It’s raining out there!” “If my husband catches us in
here, he’ll kill us both!” she replied. “He’s got a very quick temper and a
very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems!” So the boyfriend
scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he
began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he
had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon. He started
running along beside the others about 300 of them. Being naked, with his
clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to “blend in” as best he could. It

wasn’t that effective! After a little while, a small group of runners, who had

been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer. “Do you always run
in the nude?” one asked. “Oh yes” he replied, gasping in air. “It feels so
wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you’re running.”
Another runner moved alongside. “Do you always run carrying your clothes
under your arm?” “Oh, yes” our friend answered breathlessly. “That way I
can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go
home!” Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. “Do
you always wear a condom when you run?” “Only if it’s raining.”